How Human Design Helped Me Reframe Singleness
By Sara Bacon
There have been many steps and ah-ha’s along the path of reclaiming my joy and okay-ness as a single woman in her mid 30’s. I speak to that journey more in depth here, but the area I want to touch on in this post is the concept of purpose over roles.
As humans, we’ve been taught to place our value and worth in the roles and titles we hold. This rings particularly true for women - many believing our true worth lies in our “ability” to partner, to birth new life, and the ways in which we offer ourselves up to others while sacrificing ourselves in the process. Combine this with the way society, the Patriarchy, and brands convince us we also need to look a certain way in order to provide even more value from our existence, and it’s a wonder any of us make it through a day without completely crumbling under the expectations of others.
Now come close because I want to tell you a secret: none of those things matter when you remember the core of you is already GOOD and you’re here to be the absolute fullest version of yourself, to experience pleasure and delight at the things that uniquely light you up, and to share your gifts with the world in order to bring more healing, hope, and joy to the Collective at large.
When you learn this secret, you realize everything else is secondary to this. The relationships you choose, the jobs you take, the hobbies you engage in, the children (or projects or companies) you choose to birth - these all become an expression of YOU. Of you entering into your wholeness and into the Highest Version of yourself.
You do not enter into a relationship to find purpose. Rather, you deepen your growth and healing and purpose by delighting in and allowing yourself to be refined by the gloriously messy gifts that partnerships are.
You do not climb the corporate ladder to gain a title so you can feel respected and admired by your peers and loved ones. Rather you choose careers and positions that allow the very best of you to spill out into them, further deepening your fulfillment in this life.
When I began to learn this truth for myself, everything changed. Marriage and motherhood were no longer the pinnacles for me. Instead I got to view every single experience and relationship in my life as opportunities to push me closer to my Becoming, as chisels that chip away at the excess layers covering up the pure Me at the center. The focus for my life was no longer about obtaining these titles, but about seeking what it is I’m here on this Earth for, and how I can fully embody that call for my sake and the sake of others.
Which leads me to Human Design. I do not believe Human Design is meant to tell us our purpose. I believe we already have those answers deep down inside of us. But I do believe it can serve as a powerful tool to remind us that we came into this life as unique beings with a mission and a purpose, and stepping into that is the greatest call we can answer.
Learning my Human Design helped cement the fact that I am a soul with value and purpose, and the relationships I choose to have in my life are an extension of that, not the core of me. If and when I choose to engage with romantic partnerships, it will be because we see an opportunity to push each other towards further growth, joy, and wholeness, not because we are lonely and looking for completion.
There are a lot of ways to counter negative feelings towards singleness, but the one I’ve found the most helpful has been reminding myself of these truths - of my greater purpose and value, and staying focused on living that out in this life and accepting the people who want to join in on that journey with me along the way, rather than waiting for my life to begin once I’ve reached a certain age, relationship status, or achieved a certain title. Your life is now and you are perfectly wonderful exactly as you are.
Interested in diving into your Human Design? Order your customized Design Guide here, or book a 1-on-1 reading with me here!
